https://mihrankalaydjianblog.com
Love Is Light
Love is a connection
of the souls.
It can break down
barriers and travel
through time.
It can connect people’s
hearts and minds.
Love is a whisper of words
that comfort you at night.
Love is beautiful.
Love is hopeful.
Love is light.
There are myriad psychology models and theories on what motivates us to do the things we do: how we respond to incentives, achievement theories, and so on.
The only way we can perform at an optimal level is create time for rest. The moment you know you can’t take any time off is usually when you need it most.
So take that long delayed vacation, and return to your business with renewed enthusiasm.
Finally running that marathon? Excited about your new diet? Bursting at the seams over your new project? Good. Keep it to yourself.
Announcing your intent to do these feats will backfire. Resist the urge to reap the barrage of Facebook likes, and gushing comments. The positive feedback you receive from your network will trick your brain into thinking you’ve already accomplished your goal, sabotaging your once-motivated brain to do said feat.
So keep it to yourself and share the good news once you’ve already done it.
Death is a powerful motivator. We get bogged down in mindless activities. They make us feel like we’re accomplishing things, when in reality we’re just spinning in circles.
Knowing that you have finite time on this planet helps sharpen your focus. Everything we do is another step in defining our legacy. This may seem like heady posturing, but both can be powerful motivators.
Little wins may seem like just that–little.
Celebrating these wins can help to create positive habits. You break the inertia of mediocrity by teaching everyone around you how to win. They get the chance to bask in that emotion.
Vishen Lakhiani, CEO of Mindvalley, has gone so far as implementing what he calls the “awesome bell.” Which he rings (you guessed it) anytime something awesome happens.
Slashing your aggressive to-do list in half will allow room for success. Knowing that it’s realistic for you to complete the list is empowering.
Stop comparing the accomplishments in your life with those of your neighbor. The story you create in your head will never be as good, and the reality will never be as bad.
There are many people who are smarter than you. The moment you can embrace this notion, you’re free. Free to explore. Free to follow what excites you. Free to ignore what they do, or how they do it, and focus on you.
Recently, I began waking up two hours earlier than usual during the week. Instead of viewing it as two hours less I get to sleep, I view it as two extra hours to my day, allowing me to add a full workday per week.
We live in a culture where we horde Instagram followers, and Facebook likes. The perception of our lives being anything less than perfect is a daunting notion. The glossy Facebookification of our lives can create a dangerous facade of success.
Sharing defeats and admitting failure is a powerful cultivator of motivation, allowing you to move past the failure. Work through the emotion instead of taking it out on someone else. Then move on to something more constructive.
Sharing these vulnerable moments also cultivates deeper connection with peers.
Find what it is you love to do and get proficient at it. Success dwells at the fulcrum of passion and excellence.
But be careful. Make sure that you can make a living from your passion. I’m passionate about a lot of things that I know I’m not so amazing at and that I definitely can’t make a living at. I love playing guitar. My daughter loves when I play songs from the movie Frozen. It’s fun. I’m never going to be a rock star.
There is a an anecdote I’ve heard about Warren Buffett, Bill Gates, and Gates’s father at a dinner party. A guest asked them what the most important quality for success was today and all three responded “Focus” at the same exact time. They all smiled and laughed to each other because they hadn’t really prepared the answer.
We are all inundated with texts and emails. These are no longer just work interruptions. Because of the mini-computers we carry around in our pockets, the flood of information distracts us wherever we happen to be, 24/7.
So turn off your iPhone, stop trolling your ex-lover’s Facebook page, and get to work.
We all wish we had a little more inner peace in our lives.
After all, it’s hard enough to cope with the stress of workplace politics or family drama when your mind is clear and still. But when you’re trying to do it with a mind that’s buzzing with worries and insecurities, regrets and ruminations, frustrations and irritations, well… it can be overwhelming, if not completely debilitating.
But here’s the thing about true peace of mind:
Peace of mind is not something you do or find immediately. It’s something that’s cultivated slowly and intentionally.
In other words, peace of mind comes from good habits formed deliberately over time.
If you want to cultivate a calmer, gentler, and more peaceful mind, these four habits are a good place to start.
Because painful emotions feel bad, our natural instinct is to avoid them… Naturally!
The only trouble is…
When you constantly run away from your emotions, you teach your brain that emotions are bad.
But painful emotions are bad, right?
Not exactly.
Think about it:
When you touch a hot pan on the stove, is the pain bad? Nope, not at all. Even though pain feels bad, it’s actually good! Pain is a messenger telling you to move your hand so you avoid the real danger — tissue damage resulting from third-degree burns.
Well, emotions work the same way.
Emotions themselves are not bad or dangerous. They’re just messengers trying to communicate something to you.
Just because your emotions feel bad doesn’t mean they are bad.
But if you treat your painful emotions like enemies by running away from them or trying to eliminate them, you train your brain to see them that way in the future — and this only makes you more reactive to them and keeps your mind constantly stressed out and worried.
Luckily, you can counteract this effect by doing the opposite:
By welcoming and expressing your emotions, instead of running away from them, you teach your brain to be calmer in the face of difficult feelings.
“Feelings are something you have; not something you are.
― Shannon L. Alder
We all feel bad sometimes:
Painful emotions are unavoidable. But here’s the thing…
Life goes on whether you feel good or not.
Time passes, opportunities come and go, and our lives march forward whether we’re feeling good or feeling miserable:
Many people can’t find inner peace because their minds are flooded with regrets about all the things they didn’t do.
The antidote, painful as it may sound, is to learn how to do what matters regardless of how you feel. This is the only way to stop the constant stream of regrets and disappointments.
Easier said than done of course. Obviously, it’s easier to go to the gym if you’re feeling energized, just like it’s easier to ask out that cute guy when you’re feeling confident.
And while hard things will always be hard, you can make them a lot less hard with practice. Specifically, you can practice doing things despite not wanting to.
Like an athlete building up endurance and strength, the more you practice feeling bad emotionally, the more tolerance to it you will build.
To free your mind from the constant stress of regret, practice doing important things no matter how you feel.
The next time you want to work toward a goal but don’t feel like it, ask yourself this question:
Should I look at feeling bad as an obstacle or as an opportunity to train?
“The only whole heart is the broken one because it lets the light in.”
— David Wolpe
I think most of us know that overly-high expectations of people aren’t a great idea:
Because here’s the thing about expectations….
The world and most of the people in it are surprisingly indifferent to your expectations.
This means that much of the time your expectations are going to be violated. And when that happens, you’re going to be chronically surprised — and not in a good way!
The issue is that surprise is like an emotional amplifier:
If you want more peace of mind, you must let go of unrealistic expectations for people.
Of course, you can’t just eradicate your expectations entirely. They have their uses now and then. The trick is to get in the habit of examining your expectations regularly and, if needed, updating them.
Life and other people will always disappoint you. But you’ll be a lot less disappointed if you stop expecting the world of them.
Make time to update your expectations regularly and you’ll be far more calm and peaceful for it.
“We have to be willing to confront the world as it is, not as we want it to be if we’re going to be successful.”
— Barry McCarthy
When I first drafted this article, the title of this section as “Set and Enforce Healthy Boundaries”
But let’s be honest, setting healthy boundaries isn’t really the problem…
Sure, setting healthy boundaries can be a little uncomfortable. But the real issue here is enforcing the healthy boundaries you do set.
Because here’s the deal…
Setting a boundary and not enforcing it is worse than not setting it in the first place.
Think about it:
Setting boundaries without enforcing them is just another form of self-sabotage.
The next time you think about making a serious request of someone or setting a new boundary, think carefully about what it will really take to enforce that boundary.
Because if you don’t, you’re training the people in your life not to respect you. And worse, you’re destroying your own self-respect. Both of which will lead to a lot of unnecessary emotional pain and mental stress.
“If you don’t prioritize your life, someone else will.”
— Greg McKeown
