What Depression Actually Is, Because It’s More Than ‘Just Being Sad’

Depression isn’t the saddest person in the room. Quite contrary actually, depression sometimes is the person you would have never expected. Along with trying to convince you they’re happy, they’re trying to convince themselves.

Depression isn’t that melancholy person, you don’t want to be around. Oftentimes, it’s the person everyone loves because of the light they bring to a room is so bright but that’s only because they know darkness.

Depression isn’t the person screaming out for help. It’s the silent person dealing with battles they’re still trying to understand themselves.

Depression is doing everything you can to hide it. Because there’s nothing glorified about it. There’s nothing beautiful about a bad night as you fall you your knees, in a silent scream, that no one hears because you’re alone and you need to be until you get through it.

It’s the sleepless nights as you lay awake at 2 am staring at the ceiling.

It’s that time of year, you just get a little bit sadder for no reason.

It’s the tears you don’t tell people you cry because you don’t really know why you’re crying, you just know you need to.

It’s the want and need to be around people but at the same time, you push them away.

Depression is watching across social media, everyone’s highlight reels and you know it’s not an accurate depiction of their life yet you still compare yourself to them.

It’s the plans canceled last minute because you couldn’t muster the strength to get out of bed.

It’s your alarm going off in the morning and you just want to go back to sleep.

Depression is that cloud that doesn’t seem to go away ever. And even in those happy moments, you cling to, you know it’s still hovering over you. Depression waits. It creeps and lurks. It waits for the best day of your life and your happiest moment just so the next one can be your worst.

It’s the fear of such happiness because you know it’s bound to fade.

It’s every good day, that are few and far between and that’s what you hang onto.

It’s the struggle in explaining to people when they ask why are you depressed? You just don’t know and you don’t know how to fix it. It’s just a feeling you can’t shake but you’re learning to work through.

Depression are toxic habits or people you gravitate towards.

It’s drinking the way you do because at least for a moment your pain is numbed. You know the effects lead to being even more depressed the next day. And you know alcohol is a depressant but being numb helps sometimes.

Depression is the constant unbalance of things in your life.

It’s either overexercising and being at the gym for hours or staying in bed for weeks immobile.

It’s either sleeping too much or too little. But no matter what, you’re always tired.

It’s eating too much or just never being hungry. It’s someone asking, ‘When was the last time you ate?’ And you actually don’t know the answer.

It’s weight loss that people commend you for but you know even you couldn’t help it.

Depression is people asking if you’re okay and you don’t respond with ‘I’m sad.’ You simply say, ‘I’m tired.’

It’s the envy of looking at others and just wanting to be that happy. So you glamorize your own life so it appears that way.

Depression is the overcompensating in relationships and trying too hard. You know you’re tough to deal with but there isn’t anyone you love more than those who accept you, as you’re still trying to accept yourself.

It’s that really scary moment when you open up to someone about what it is you deal with. And that new level of friendship you reach, when they welcome you with open arms and it almost brings you to tears.

It’s loving people unbelievably hard because you’re still learning to love yourself.

It’s looking ahead and looking forward to certain days in your life and really appreciating everything.

And even though you might not say it, as often as you should, it’s the love you have for everyone in your life which gives you strength.

Depression is becoming addicted to anything that gives you purpose. Whether it’s being a perfectionist in academics or becoming a workaholic. It’s becoming the most involved in a group or organization because you need something to look forward to. It’s excelling in sports because it really helps to have that and a team to fall back on.

It’s the need to be busy because if you’re not you’ll spend too much time alone and everything will get worse.

But more than that, depression is the person who would do anything to make others happy because someone else’s happiness is their own.

Depression is being overly observant because you know what it’s like to hide things, so you look for it in others.

It’s being the first one willing to help and being the person you wish you had. Knowing well, there’s nothing you can say or do but be there for them and that’s okay.

But more than that, depression is a strength in you because there’s nothing harder than overcoming demons within yourself.

It’s the trust people have in you, knowing they can turn to you without judgment.

It’s the excitement you bring to others because even though you’re sad, you do love life.

Depression is being the happiest, saddest person, people know but there’s a bit of beauty to someone who knows both emotions at such an extreme level.

Depression is an appreciation and gratitude for life. It’s knowing no matter what happens things will get better.

Depression is hope even in moments that seem hopeless.

It’s not letting this define who you are but rather learning to live through it and being the example others can follow. 

 

 

Where Are You Now

Where Are You Now – Imany 

Days had gone into nights and nights had gone into days – And everyday gone count one thousand days in my life.  “I’ve learned that waiting is the most difficult bit, and I want to get used to the feeling, knowing that you’re with me, even when you’re not by my side.”

 

 Lyrics:

I see a picture in a frame
I see a face without a name
Riding alone on an empty train
Where are you

I live in a house of broken hearts
Leaves are falling in the park
Every day is a question mark
Where are you

I would drive through the rain (to find you)
Walk a desert plain (behind you)
You could unlock these chains (untie to)
Where are you now

Through the storm I call your name (to guide you)
Love could be the flame (beside you)
If you unlock these chains (untie to)
Where are you now

Lying in my room at night
Silhouettes are dressed in white
Waiting for the morning light
Where are you

Each day you live and learn
As the wheels of heaven turn
For you my candle burns
Where are you

I would drive through the rain (to find you)
Walk a desert plain (behind you)
You could unlock these chains (untie to)
Where are you now

Through the storm I call your name (to guide you)
Love could be the flame (beside you)
If you unlock these chains (untie to)
Where are you now

so far
Out there, I can almost touch you
You’re here in my mind all the time
Where are you now

to find you
Walk a desert plain (behind you)
You could unlock these chains (untie to)
Where are you now

Through the storm (through the storm) I call your name (to guideyou)
Love could be the flame (beside you)
If you unlock these chains (untie to)
Where are you, where are you now

Walk a desert plain (behind you)
If you’d unlock these chains (untie to)
Where are you now

Songwriters: Scott English / Phil Manikiza / Simon Stirling
Where Are You lyrics © Sony/ATV Music Publishing LLC

TO MY SON – Mihran Kalaydjian and Charlie Bisharat SPECIAL MELODY

Mihran Kalaydjian and Charlie Bisharat – MY SON

Honor Guest: Violinist: Charlie Bisharat

Recorded: Feb 23, 2015

Record Label: Alligator Records

Charlie Bisharat is a Grammy-winning violinist who has toured and/or recorded with numerous notable artists. He was a member of Shadowfax, who won a Best New Age Performance Grammy in 1988 for Folksongs for a Nuclear Village

A version of the Classical Greek song “Gie mou”My Son”, written by the composer Apostolos Kaldaras and sung originally by Stamatis Kokotas (Greece).

Mino Element Band Members

Aram Kasabian – Lead Guitar
Sevan Manoukian – Drummer
Hratch Panossian – Bass
Samer Khoury – Violin
Tony Amer – Saxophone
Haim Cohen – KeyBoard
Albert Panikian – Trumpet
Nicole Del Sol – Percussion
Dana Debos – Trombone

Lyrics:

My son, it’s my pain unbearable dear
to see you as xerofyllo wind
in life chased turning

My son, did not hear your devious father
drifted and day by day
Being twenty years old and yet grow old

My son, what do you expect, my IP
in a muddy road
you’ll be always like a tree uprooted
without destiny, without sun and sky

My son, my yearning to Reflect
Come home to sweeten your wound
My son, my son, how I hurt

My son, it ‘s my people cruel dear
the lords it ‘merchants of war
and laugh when we tear rolls

My son, do not think anyone my beloved
as though your friends rejoiced, my God
that You ‘ve now fallen so low

Copyright Disclaimer Under Section 107 of the Copyright Act 1976, allowance is made for “fair use” for purposes such as criticism, comment, news reporting, teaching, scholarship, and research. Fair use is a use permitted by copyright statute that might otherwise be infringing. Non-profit, educational or personal use tips the balance in favor of fair use

© 2015 Paramount Studios& Element Band All Rights Reserved

The Blue Cafe

My world is miles of endless roads
That leaves a trail of broken dreams
Where have you been I hear you say
I will meet you at the Blue Café
This is where the one who knows
Meets the one who does not care
The cards of fate, the older shows
The younger one, who dares to take
The chance of no return

Where have you been?
Where are you going to?
I want to know what is new
I want to go with you
What have you seen?
What do you know that is new?
Where are you going to?
Because I want to go with you

The cost is great, the price is high
Take all you know, and say goodbye
Your innocence, inexperience
Mean nothing now
Because, this is where the one who knows
Meets the one who does not care
Where have you been I hear you say
I’ll meet you at the Blue Café

Where have you been?
Where are you going to?
I want to know what is new
I want to go with you
What have you seen?
What do you know that is new?
Where are you going to?
Because I want to go with you

So meet me at the Blue Café
I Said meet me down at the Blue Café

Where have you been?
Where are you going to?
I want to know what is new
I want to go with you
What have you seen?
What do you know that is new?
Where are you going to?
I want to go with you

Down to the blue
I Will meet you at the blue café
I Will meet you at the blue café
The Blue Café