If you use these 5 phrases, you aren’t as empathetic as you think

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Are you accidentally a dismissive listener?

Dismissive listening is the opposite of empathetic listening. It says “I want to fix you” or “I want to fix your problem” instead of “I hear you, what do you need?” While empathetic listeners are able to determine what a conversation partner wants or needs, dismissive listeners tend to be less charismatic in conversation and can be seriously holding back their relationships by leaning on inefficient (and generally less empathetic!) listening skills. As a result, they tend to be less effective leaders, mentors, parents and friends.

The good news: Dismissive listening isn’t a personality, it’s a practice. It can be corrected. The first step is diagnosing the situation. If you use any of these phrases, you may be engaging in dismissive listening. Keep reading to determine how you’re leading conversations down the wrong road — and what to say instead.

It’s worth noting that these critiques don’t apply to conversations that open with someone asking for advice or feedback. Instead, they apply to more subtle, open-ended conversations where empathetic listening is required.

1. “Aww! Don’t be upset!”

If someone comes to you when they’re upset about something — from missing out on promotion to experiencing a difficult life event — countering by telling them not to experience their feelings is reductive and dismissive. While you’re a kind person and want to see them happy again as soon as possible, asking them to simply not be upset may make them feel guilty for bringing it up or feel like their emotional experience isn’t valid.

What to say instead: I’m listening. That sounds hard.

This phrase reconfirms that you were a safe person to have this conversation with and validates their feelings. It also allows them the space to lead how the conversation progresses.

2. “What if you try this?”

Most of the time, people are approaching you with a conversation — especially a conversation about a problem at work or at home — to vent and have their experience validated. You’re a nice person and you want to help, but leading with unsolicited advice focuses the conversation on fixing the problem from your perspective instead of on how the problem is affecting your conversation partner. That’s dismissive of their experience and can lead them to feel frustrated and not heard.

What to say instead: I want to help. How can I show up for you moving forward?

Saying this allows you to take action and offer help without inserting your own solutions or opinions into space where someone hasn’t asked for them. If they want help, they’ll tell you how you can engage. Or, they’ll tell you they just needed you to listen.

3. “Oh! You should read/listen to this…”

Similar to the above, this well-intentioned phrase offers unsolicited advice — and shallow advice, at that. If someone is approaching you with a difficult experience — from a layoff to getting into a serious fight with a friend — they likely know where they can go to get advice. We all have Google on hand. Unless they ask, don’t offer those options up. It’s a bit deflective and insinuates their experience can be reduced to a problem that can be solved via educational podcast or inspirational memoir.

What to say instead: I want to help. How can I show up for you moving forward?

Instead, focus on their experiences and how they see you fitting into the larger conversation, if at all. Chances are, they just wanted to vent or wanted you to offer a real piece of wisdom. They’ll let you know!

4. “I totally get it. One time…”

While sometimes you really will get what your conversation partner is experiencing, most of the time, you won’t. We all live individual lives, complicated by our personal experiences, identity dimensions and personalities. While this phrase feels empathetic when you’re saying it, it may feel reductive or just plain wrong to the person on the other side. It also centers your experience over theirs. It’s best to proceed with this route only if you’re asked for similar situations or what you learned from them.

What to say instead: It sounds like you’re saying… Is that accurate?

Instead of assuming you understand what they’re experiencing, repeat back to them your impression of the situation. It centers them, reinforces that you’re listening and helps them progress the conversation in the direction they’d like it to go.

5. “You’ll be fine!”

If someone comes to you with a problem or difficult situation, telling them that it will all work out isn’t just invalidating, it’s not very helpful, either. You’re a nice person and you want to be encouraging and optimistic, but these words reduce the complicated experience someone might have and also deflects the conversation instead of allowing them space to talk through those emotions. This kills your credibility as a listener.

For example, telling a direct report that’s anxious for a presentation that they’ll be “totally fine!” is likely to kill their confidence coming to you for encouragement in the future. Similarly, telling a friend who just got laid off that they’ll be “totally fine because they’re so talented!” makes them unlikely to come to you with complicated, hard situations in the future.

What to say instead: It sounds like you’re saying… Is that accurate? How do you think it will impact you moving forward? How can I show up for you?

To avoid being reductive, reconfirm with someone how you think they’re feeling and how the experience is impacting them. Then, ask how you can help. This centers their experience without reducing it, shows interest in how they foresee the experience continuing to impact them and allows you to expertly diagnose what they’re expecting from the conversation.

GOODBYE 2019 AND WELCOME 2020 THE NEW DECADE!

It’s now time to say goodbye to another decade.  We enter the new decade with great anticipation of things becoming better. This New Year and new decade creates an atmosphere of renewal for all of us. Regardless of what mistakes have been made in the past year or what projects might remain unfinished; the New Year provides an opportunity to make things better. As with all beginnings, however, getting started can be the most challenging step.  Strive to have a better understanding of yourself this year.  The most important person in your life is you!  The only person that can change you is you!  So work on yourself this year spiritually and at the end of the year look back and see all the changes you have made.

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Now, you will enter the unseen, and you can enter a New Year equipped with an arsenal of heavenly energies.  It requires your taking time to be quiet and feel the energies of the angels all around you.  Look for their guidance throughout this coming year and decade.

The Angels are bringing bright blessings to you and your family this coming year. They ask that you reflect on all the blessings that you have had, as well as the lessons you have learned during this past year. They ask that you reflect on the struggles you have endured throughout the year and question why these times were so hard.

By looking back, you may be able to change your perception of the way you view your life and the world around you. When you look at things differently, the things you look at change. Consciously choose to see things in a positive light in the New Year.

Soon you will see that everything around you is filled with loving energy. You create your reality. Why not choose to have a positive, loving experience this year, and in turn, your energy will add to the collective consciousness and make the earth a better place to live! Life is a gift, that’s why we call it the present.

Many of the events that have happened in 2019 have made people realize how fragile life is and how quickly things can change. Now is not a good time to be clinging to past issues and past hurts. Letting go is a good option because it frees you from heartache caused by going over and over the past.

Bob Marley once said, “Life is one big road with lots of signs. So when you’re riding through the ruts, don’t complicate your mind. Flee from hate, mischief and jealousy. Don’t bury your thoughts; put your vision to reality. Wake up and live!”

Now is the time to let down the walls that have kept you trapped. If you choose the spiritual path these walls will soon start to fade away and you will get a taste of real freedom. You can become more aware of your connection to everything as you let down your guard and remove the walls. Focus on what has changed for you and what you desire to change in the future. For some of you this will be easy to do. For others who are resistant to change pulling down those walls will be more challenging.

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Allow yourself to connect with that spark within that has been glowing inside of you from the beginning of your existence. Sometimes we only get a glimpse of the eternal, but those moments are given to us so that we have the fortitude to carry on.

Happy New Year. May the New Year bring to you warmth of love, and a light to guide your path towards a positive destination.

 

11 things unsuccessful people do over the weekend

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Everybody’s working for the weekend, but how you spend your two days off may say something about how successful you are.

What you get up to doesn’t really matter, per se. If you prefer lounging around the house to spontaneous adventures, that’s great! You probably need that time to wind down.

But when it comes to weekends, the main thing that separates successful people from unsuccessful people is mindfulness.

Are you planning ahead and truly thinking about how to spend your free time?

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Here are 11 things that unsuccessful people tend to do over the weekend — and why you should avoid them:

They forget to schedule

Not every minute of every hour of your weekend needs to be planned out, but it’s good to have a general idea of what you’d like to do or get done — even if you’re just scheduling downtime.

That’ll allow you to protect your time, and maybe even schedule in some fun events.

They ignore loved ones

It can be hard to make time for the ones you care about during the hectic week. Make up for that over the weekend.

They let technology take over

Put away your phone. Shut off your work email — and make it clear to your coworkers that you won’t be responding. Don’t get addicted to technology.

They forget to unwind

Whether you’re unwinding alone or going out with friends, make sure to do something that makes you happy during your time off.

They sleep the entire time

Maybe you drank too much on Friday and are recovering. Maybe you’re just super tired. Either way, this could really mess up your sleep cycle, and you probably need to fix that.

They rack up expenses

You pinch pennies all week, and then blow it all over the weekend.

Heck, you should treat yourself every once in a while. That being said, if you’re overspending on the weekends on frivolities that you don’t need, then it’s time to consider some cheap but fun options, like staycations or free local events.

They avoid taking time to reflect

During your busy week, it can be difficult to snag some time to just think about your life and goals. It’s important to check in with yourself every once in a while.

They aren’t present

On Fridays, it’s a great idea to set out an agenda for the next Monday. Being prepared is great; being a workaholic is not. Kick back and relax a bit on Saturday and Sunday!

They laze around and regret it

Chilling out over the weekend is definitely a great way to unwind. But if your slothfulness is making you bored or bummed out — or causing you to neglect important errands and chores — then you may want to rethink how you spend your Saturdays and Sundays.

They’re stressed out

At the other end of the spectrum are people who pack too much into their weekend schedule.

In order to be productive (and therefore successful) at work, it’s important to use the weekend to recharge your batteries. If your weekends include zero downtime, then you’ll never feel rested or refreshed, which can be detrimental to your success.

They get too comfortable with the time off

Sunday nights are the perfect time to plan for the week ahead. You can make a to-do list, update or review your calendar, or just think about what it is you’d like to accomplish in the coming days.

 

10 Inspiring Quotes on Innovation

Learning and innovation go hand in hand. The arrogance of success is to think that what you did yesterday will be sufficient for tomorrow.

10 Inspiring Quotes on Innovation

You know the saying, “Nothing changes if nothing changes.” Well if nothing changes, we stay the same. We don’t grow. We don’t evolve. We don’t get better. And that’s not going to work—not for you, and not for the world. We need positive change. We need new ideas. We need progress. Read these quotes on innovation to inspire your next big idea and contribute to yourself and the greater good.

quotes on innovation

“The only way to discover the limits of the possible is to go beyond them into the impossible.” –Arthur C. Clarke

“What is now proved was once only imagined.” –William Blake

quotes on innovation

“I want to put a ding in the universe.” –Steve Jobs
“Anything’s possible if you’ve got enough nerve.” –J.K. Rowling

quotes on innovation

“You can’t solve a problem on the same level that it was created. You have to rise above it to the next level.” –Albert Einstein
“If you want something new, you have to stop doing something old.” –Peter F. Drucker

quotes on innovation

“If you have always done it that way, it is probably wrong.” –Charles Kettering
“Innovation is seeing what everybody has seen and thinking what nobody has thought.” –Dr. Albert, Szent- Györgyi
quotes on innovation
“There’s a way to do it better – find it.” –Thomas A. Edison
“Learning and innovation go hand in hand. The arrogance of success is to think that what you did yesterday will be sufficient for tomorrow.” –William Pollard

Stuck On You – Lionel Richie

 

“Fate controls who walks into your life, but you decide who you let walk out, who you let stay, and who you refuse to let go.”

“Don’t let someone else control what you do in life. It’s your decisions, your outcomes, your life.”

= = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = =

Title: Stuck On You – Lionel Richie

 

 

Lyrics: Stuck On You – Lionel Richie

Stuck on you
I’ve got this feeling down
Deep in my soul
That I just can’t lose
Guess, I’m on my way
Needed a friend
And the way I feel now I guess
I’ll be with you till the end
Guess I’m on my way
Mighty glad you stayed

I’m stuck on you
Been a fool too long I guess
It’s time for me to come on home
Guess I’m on my way
So hard to see
That a woman like you could wait
Around for a man like me
Guess I’m on my way
Mighty glad you stayed

Oh, I’m leaving on that midnight train tomorrow
And I know just where I’m going
I’ve packed up my troubles
And I’ve thrown them all away
Because this time little darling
I’m coming home to stay

I’m stuck on you
I’ve got this feeling down
Deep in my soul
That I just can’t lose
Guess, I’m on my way
Needed a friend
And the way I feel now I guess
I’ll be with you till the end
Guess I’m on my way
I’m mighty glad you stayed

 

A Song For Mama

A Song For Mama by Boyz 2 Men –

My family is everything. I am what I am thanks to my mother, my father, my brother, my sister… because they have given me everything. The education I have is thanks to them.

 

You taught me everything
Everything you’ve given me
I’ll always keep it inside
You’re the driving force in my life, yeah

There isn’t anything
Or anyone that I could be
And it just wouldn’t feel right
If I didn’t have you by my side

You were there for me to love and care for me
When skies were gray
Whenever I was down
You were always there to comfort me

And no one else can be
What you have been to me you will always be
You will always be the girl
In my life for all times

Mama, Mama you know I love you
(You know I love you)
Mama, Mama you’re the queen of my heart
Your love is like tears from the stars, yes it is
Mama I just want you to know lovin’ you is like food to my soul
Yes it is, yes it is, oh, yes it is, yes it is, yes it is oh

You’re always there for me
Have always been around for me even when I was bad
You showed me right from my wrong
Yes you did

And you took up for me
When everyone was downin’ me
You always did understand
You gave me strength to go on

There were so many times
Looking back when I was so afraid
And then you’d come to me and say to me
I can face anything

And no one else can do
What you have done for me
You’ll always be, you will always be
The girl in my life, ooh oh

Mama, Mama you know I love you
(You know I love you, you know I love you)
Mama, Mama you’re the queen of my heart, (You are)
Your love is like tears from the stars
(Your love is like tears from the stars)
Mama I just want you to know (Mama I just want you to know)
Lovin’ you is like food to my soul

Never gonna go a day without you
Fills me up just thinkin’ about you
I’ll never go a day without my mama

Mama, Mama you know I love you
Mama, Mama you’re the queen of my heart
Your love is like tears from the stars
(Your love is like tears from the stars)
Mama I just want you to know lovin’ you is like food to my soul

Lovin’ you is like food to my soul, oh yeah
You are the food to my soul, yes you are.

 

 

11 Quotes Commonly Misattributed To Shakespeare

1. “When I saw you I fell in love and you smiled because you knew.”

 

Where it's actually from: An 1893 Italian opera, Falstaff, with a libretto by Arrigo Boito. The opera itself is based on The Merry Wives Of Windsor, written by the Bard himself, but the line is not found in the play itself, only in the opera.

Where it’s actually from: An 1893 Italian opera, Falstaff, with a libretto by Arrigo Boito. The opera itself is based on The Merry Wives Of Windsor, written by the Bard himself, but the line is not found in the play itself, only in the opera.

2. “Love is a wonderful terrible thing.”

 

Where it's actually from: Gabriela, Clove, and Cinnamon by Jorge Amado. Also the quote is actually, "Love--the most wonderful and most terrible thing in the world."

Where it’s actually from: Gabriela, Clove, and Cinnamon by Jorge Amado. Also the quote is actually, “Love–the most wonderful and most terrible thing in the world.”

3. “The earth has music for those who listen.”

 

Where it's actually from: The quote is definitively not in any of Shakespeare's written works. It's most commonly attributed to poet and author George Santayana or Oliver Wendall Holmes.

Where it’s actually from: The quote is definitively not in any of Shakespeare’s written works. It’s most commonly attributed to poet and author George Santayana or Oliver Wendall Holmes.

4. “You say you love rain…”

Where it's actually from: A turkish poem titled, I Am Afraid. In addition, umbrellas weren't common in Europe until the 17th century, roughly a 100 years after Shakespeare died.

Where it’s actually from: A turkish poem titled, I Am Afraid. In addition, umbrellas weren’t common in Europe until the 17th century, roughly a 100 years after Shakespeare died.

 

5. “The less you speak of greatness, the more shall I think of it.”

 

Where it's actually from: Sir Francis Bacon to Sir Edward Coke in 1601 during a quarrel in a bar.

Where it’s actually from: Sir Francis Bacon to Sir Edward Coke in 1601 during a quarrel in a bar.

 

6. “So dear I love him that with him/All deaths I could endure/Without him, live on life.”

Where it's actually from: Paradise Lost by John Milton.

Where it’s actually from: Paradise Lost by John Milton.

 

7. “When words fail music speaks.”

Where it's actually from:This quote is paraphrased from Hans Christian Anderson's "What The Moon Saw" (from What The Moon Saw: And Other Tales), roughly two centuries after Shakespeare died. The actual quote is, "when words fail, sounds can often speak."

Where it’s actually from:This quote is paraphrased from Hans Christian Anderson’s “What The Moon Saw” (from What The Moon Saw: And Other Tales), roughly two centuries after Shakespeare died. The actual quote is, “when words fail, sounds can often speak.”

8. “We’re all in the same game; just different levels. Dealing with the same hell; just different devils.”

Where it's actually from: Tumblr staaahp, this is a Jadakiss song.

Where it’s actually from: Tumblr staaahp, this is a Jadakiss song.

 

9. “All glory comes from daring to begin.”

Where it's actually from: "John Brown", a poem by Eugene Fitch Ware.

Where it’s actually from: “John Brown”, a poem by Eugene Fitch Ware.

10. “Love is the most beautiful of dreams and the worst of nightmares.”

 

Where it's actually from: The Notebook of Love twitter handle.

Where it’s actually from: The Notebook of Love twitter handle.

 

11. “Expectation is the root of all heartache.”

Where it's actually from: While no one is quite sure where this quote sprang from, it's definitively not in any of Shakespeare's works. The quote does closely resemble, and is commonly said to derive from the Second Noble Truth of Buddhism: desire is the root of all suffering.

Where it’s actually from: While no one is quite sure where this quote sprang from, it’s definitively not in any of Shakespeare’s works. The quote does closely resemble, and is commonly said to derive from the Second Noble Truth of Buddhism: desire is the root of all suffering.

 

I’LL Love You Forever I promise you – [Michael Bolton]

I’LL Love You Forever I promise you- Michael Bolton

 

I will promise you, yes I promise to
Love you for all your life
Love you every day and night
I will always be there for you
I’ll be in your arms, you’ll be in my heart

I’ll love you forever, I promise you
We’ll be together, our whole life through
There’s nothin’ that I, I wouldn’t do
With all of my heart, I promise you

I will take your hand, and I’ll understand
Share all your hopes and dreams
Show you what love can mean
Whenever life just gets too much for you
I’ll be on your side, to dry the tears you cry

Oh I will always be in your arms
And you will always be the flame
within my heart

There’s nothin’ in this world I wouldn’t do
I promise you

 

 

Happy New Year!!!

To my friends, followers and readers – Maybe this New Year is going to be the one that fulfills all your dreams and so start it with a joyful and a vibrant soul! Here’s wishing you a prosperous new year! As we celebrate the New Year, I wish everyone success, a healthy long life and a fresh new start. Happy New Year!

ABBA Happy New Year!!!

Lyrics

No more champagne
And the fireworks are through
Here we are, me and you
Feeling lost and feeling blue
It’s the end of the party
And the morning seems so grey
So unlike yesterday
Now’s the time for us to say

Happy New Year
Happy New Year
May we all have a vision now and then
Of a world where every neighbor is a friend
Happy New Year
Happy New Year
May we all have our hopes, our will to try
If we don’t we might as well lay down and die
You and I

Sometimes I see
How the brave new world arrives
And I see how it thrives
In the ashes of our lives
Oh yes, man is a fool
And he thinks he’ll be okay
Dragging on, feet of clay
Never knowing he’s astray
Keeps on going anyway

Happy New Year
Happy New Year
May we all have a vision now and then
Of a world where every neighbor is a friend
Happy New Year
Happy New Year
May we all have our hopes, our will to try
If we don’t we might as well lay down and die
You and I

Seems to me now
That the dreams we had before
Are all dead, nothing more
Than confetti on the floor
It’s the end of a decade
In another ten years time
Who can say what we’ll find
What lies waiting down the line
In the end of eighty-nine

Happy New Year
Happy New Year
May we all have a vision now and then
Of a world where every neighbor is a friend
Happy New Year
Happy New Year
May we all have our hopes, our will to try
If we don’t we might as well lay down and die
You and I

I beg of you

I beg of you not to fear
If people call those ambitious, ambitious simply, and not humble;
Those that are rascals, rascals simply, and not noble;
Those that are distant, distant simply, and not present.

I beg of you don’t ever fear
A frank word that is spoken;
A frank word never kills a person,
It only makes a closed wound open.

If you are a child and you are hungry,
Never fear to cry loudly;
Since if a child never cries loudly,
No one will give it breast feeding.

Never fear to scrub a rusty cup,
Never fear, it will not rotten.
Never fear to write the truth about that which is false,
For in so doing you will not undo that which is false.

I beg of you to do some maths just for a while,
But on condition not to add up the just to be unjust,
But that you divide the unjust with the just;
Not to add up sympathy to sorrow,
But that you divide sympathy with sorrow.

Don’t ever boast around by the question,
But that you be proud with the solution,
With correct open brackets,
The remainder and also the quotient.

I beg of you to be also a little aware of the psycho,
So that if a child with his sad song is mourning his parent’s death,
I beg of you don’t ever stop him simply because his song is not good enough.
I beg of you never to bother me and make me involved
In such questions and ones alike.