https://mihrankalaydjianblog.com
Skip to content

Mihran Kalaydjian's Official Blog

“You only live once, but if you do it right, once is enough.”

  • Home
  • About Mihran Kalaydjian, Chairman and Founder
  • AWARDS AND ACCOMPLISHMENTS
  • Contact Me
  • Mihran Kalaydjian Fun Profile
  • MIHRAN KALAYDJIAN HOTEL EXPERT
  • Mihran Kalaydjian hotel operations strategist
  • Mihran Kalaydjian is a seasoned hotel industry professional
  • Mihran Kalaydjian Musical Videos Clips

Category: potential

How to build more meaningful and engaging relationships

November 23, 2020

Recently, I participated in a master class on managing our emotions.  Ultimately, what it became was a class on building healthy habits.

Each of us went through the process of identifying our goals for healthy habits as it came to our emotions.  We imagined a version of ourselves that we aspired to.  In my case, I imagined being a more curious coach as self, parent, and leader.  To have deeper and more meaningful relationships, inside and out.

As part of the course, I spent a lot of time thinking about what stood between where I am and the version of me that I aspired to.  Ultimately, it came down to the default patterns.  Reactive conditioning, instead of purposeful intention.

To move towards purposeful intention, we must interrupt our autopilot.  Each of us may respond to different techniques for helping us build new habits.  One that was suggested was a mnemonic or acronym to outline steps we can remember.

 

Purposeful engagement

I am a huge fan of acronyms.  Done right, they can be easy to remember.

In this case, I wanted to identify steps that would allow me to better engage with myself and others.  As someone who wants to help, and am often approached when help is needed, I tend to go into problem solving mode very quickly.

Recently, I’ve realized that love was often modeled in my home via “acts of service.”  Frequently, those acts were teachable moments.  It was seen as loving to help someone – even if they didn’t ask for it.

The reality is that most people don’t really need us to solve for them, or turn everything into a teachable moment.  They may need us to listen to an idea they already have.  They may want some additional context to make their own decisions.  There is rarely a single response to the multitude of needs a given person or team may have.

What steps would help interrupt the problem solving auto response, and provide an opportunity to better understand how someone needs us to engaged?

Be a BuILDeR of relationships

There are five steps to interrupting our automatic response and choosing from the myriad of possible engagement options.

B – Breathe

When attempting to interrupt an automatic response, taking a deep breath can be a great first step.  If we are tempted to jump right in, just pause and breathe.  It gives a moment to hesitate and engage the pre-frontal cortex.  We are then more likely to remember and follow the remaining steps.

I – Inquire with curiosity

Have you ever started problem solving with someone or telling them something you thought was relevant, only to hear “I know.”  We may assume we know why someone is engaging us, but we won’t know for sure unless we ask. Ask questions with a sense of curiosity and really wanting to understand their situation and need.

L – Listen to understand

Our brains are fascinating, but can sometimes be frustrating.  We are constantly filling in gaps, creating meaning, and seeing patterns.  While this can be helpful, it means we may start solving and preparing to answer while someone else is talking.  We listen to respond, rather than to understand another’s perspective. Instead of replying, maybe go back to inquire to ask a follow-up question to gain a better understanding.

D – Discern my role

In every conversation, we likely have thoughts and ideas regarding what’s being discussed.  Suggestions or relevant anecdotes we think could help.  One, some or NONE of them may be relevant, depending on our role.  Going back to the inquiry, why is this person here and engaging with us?  If we aren’t sure, we can always ask what role they’d like us to play.  Ultimately, if we want to improve engagement, we should remember to stay in our lane.

R – Reply or write

But but but!  What about those stories?  What about the great advice we had queued up?

Just because we have thoughts and ideas does not mean we have to express them.  We can consciously and deliberately choose our response, including no response.  In my case, I might have an idea with a lot of energy behind it that feels like it needs to get out.  So I write.

I take notes during conversations, which helps slow down my thinking, allows me to get thoughts out of my head (instead of my mouth), and selectively choose what – if anything – I share in a reply.  In some cases, I will have loads of notes.  If this person is not yet ready to solve, I have them for a potential follow up conversation when they are.

From habit to practice

With deliberate steps and a handy acronym to remember, it’s time to practice.  New habits take repetition and intention, and rarely come easy.  If they were easy, we would have done them already.

To help facilitate a change, it may be worth sharing our intentions with those around us.  In my case, I tend to let my direct reports know when I’m trying something new in our interactions.  I’ll share the insight I’ve gained and what I will be attempting in my new habit.

The reason for this is two-fold.  The first is for support, accountability, and feedback during habit-building.  If a few people know about a new habit, it helps maintain commitment to change.  Later, they can be approached to see how it’s been going.  In some cases, they may be enlisted to help identify triggers or signal when they see a behavior.

The other reason is we can create confusion when we change habits.  If our habits include engagement with others, changes may generate upset or frustration.  Given the move to remote work and social distancing, suddenly engaging differently may result in assumptions that something is wrong with us or the relationship.

With support and feedback methods in place, we can go into our first interaction, committed to being a BuILDeR of relationships.

                                                                                                                 * * *

Breathe, Inquire, Listen, Discern, and Reply/Write can certainly help create more engagement and deeper relationships with others.  However, each of us have our own struggles and best methods to interrupt our automatic response to change behaviors.

Leave a comment How to build more meaningful and engaging relationships

Recent Posts

  • You Colored My Life
  • You Are Mine
  • I cannot tell you of my life
  • They walked Together Every step
  • One Moment in time

Mihran Kalaydjian Writer & Social Media Specialist

Mihran Kalaydjian Writer & Social Media Specialist

Follow me on Twitter

My Tweets

Mihran Kalaydjian Hospitality Firm

Mihran Kalaydjian Hospitality Firm

Mihran Kalaydjian Hotel Management

Mihran Kalaydjian Hotel Management

Follow Me on Social Media

  • View MihranKalaydjianPianoMelodies’s profile on Facebook
  • View Mkalaydjian’s profile on Twitter
  • View minokalaydjian’s profile on Instagram
  • View mihrank’s profile on Pinterest
  • View mihran-kalaydjian’s profile on LinkedIn
  • View MihranKalaydjian1’s profile on YouTube
  • View mihrankalaydjian’s profile on Vimeo
  • Flickr
  • Tumblr

Mihran Kalaydjian Gravatar

mihrankalaydjianblog

mihrankalaydjianblog

Mihran Kalaydjian On a personal note, I love the outdoors, comedy, bbq, reading and traveling. I worked in the beer industry in college so I love talking about good beer. I used to be a competitive runner so (like all runners) if you make the mistake of asking me, I'll tell you about my entire career and PRs. I also spent my youth working in restaurants, so if you've done the same, we can swap stories. The five items I can't live without: Everything, infinity, wanton boredom, limitless limits, change. Mihran Kalaydjian, A proven ability to articulate a company's brand culture as well as key strategic initiatives and delivery of desired results. Outstanding leadership, communications and project management skills. A committed individual with strong organizational skills that believes leading by example is key to building a strong team to achieve high guest satisfaction results and cost control measures. Mihran Kalaydjian provides visionary leadership and management oversight of the sales, marketing and revenue strategies for Classic Hotels and Resorts. Mihran Kalaydjian suggest: Your energy should be focused on finding a solution, quickly and effectively. I am at my best when I have a tight deadline, but every aspect of the project is planned, organized and working in excellence.

View Full Profile →

Recent Posts

  • You Colored My Life
  • You Are Mine
  • I cannot tell you of my life
  • They walked Together Every step
  • One Moment in time

Archives

  • March 2023
  • February 2023
  • January 2023
  • December 2022
  • November 2022
  • October 2022
  • September 2022
  • August 2022
  • July 2022
  • June 2022
  • May 2022
  • April 2022
  • March 2022
  • February 2022
  • December 2021
  • November 2021
  • July 2021
  • May 2021
  • April 2021
  • March 2021
  • February 2021
  • January 2021
  • December 2020
  • November 2020
  • October 2020
  • September 2020
  • August 2020
  • July 2020
  • June 2020
  • May 2020
  • April 2020
  • February 2020
  • January 2020
  • December 2019
  • November 2019
  • October 2019
  • September 2019
  • August 2019
  • July 2019
  • June 2019
  • May 2019
  • March 2019
  • February 2019
  • January 2019
  • December 2018
  • November 2018
  • October 2018
  • September 2018
  • August 2018
  • July 2018
  • June 2018
  • May 2018
  • April 2018
  • March 2018
  • February 2018
  • January 2018
  • December 2017
  • November 2017
  • October 2017
  • August 2017
  • June 2017
  • May 2017
  • April 2017
  • March 2017
  • February 2017
  • January 2017
  • December 2016
  • November 2016
  • October 2016
  • September 2016
  • August 2016
  • July 2016
  • June 2016
  • May 2016
  • April 2016
  • March 2016
  • February 2016
  • January 2016
  • December 2015
  • November 2015
  • October 2015
  • September 2015
  • August 2015
  • July 2015
  • June 2015
  • May 2015
  • April 2015
  • March 2015
  • February 2015
  • January 2015
  • December 2014
  • November 2014
  • October 2014
  • September 2014
  • August 2014
  • July 2014
  • June 2014
  • May 2014
  • April 2014
  • March 2014
  • February 2014
  • January 2014
  • December 2013
  • November 2013
  • October 2013
  • September 2013
  • August 2013
  • June 2013
  • May 2013
  • April 2013
  • March 2013
  • February 2013
  • January 2013
  • December 2012

Mihran Kalaydjian Medium & Mihran-Kalaydjian Real Talk

  • Medium
  • WordPress

Upcoming Events

No upcoming events

Follow me on Twitter

My Tweets
Go to mobile version
 

Loading Comments...