Come to me at night,
When the city sleeps and the lights fade away.
I will come to you with roses, my heart in my hands,
With no barriers between us, as the wind sings for us,
And the moon guards our dreams.
Come to me at night,
I will come to you with roses,
I will whisper the words of my heart—
With true love and hidden hopes.
Come to me at night,
Let me hear your footsteps in the streets,
I will come to you with roses,
Dreaming of holding you close.
In your eyes, I find an entire world,
A place where I always discover you.
Step by step, I move closer,
And lose myself in your light.
If the night grows long,
Our love will burn brighter like the stars.
And if the world falls silent for a moment,
Our hearts will speak.
Together, I will come to you at night,
With roses in my hands,
And I will tell you the truth of my heart—
With quiet love and hidden hopes.
Come to me at night,
I will come to you with roses.
Valentine’s Day arrives each year wrapped in roses, candlelight, and heart-shaped promises. Store windows glow with romance, and social feeds overflow with grand gestures of affection. Yet beyond the glitter and tradition lies something far more powerful the quiet, everyday moments that truly define love.
Love is not measured by the price of a gift or the elegance of a dinner reservation. It lives in the simple acts we sometimes overlook: a reassuring hand squeeze during a difficult day, a thoughtful message that says “I’m thinking of you,” or the comfort of sitting beside someone in peaceful silence.
“Life is a great big canvas. Throw all the paint you can on it.” ~Danny Kaye
I’ve had those days when I felt like my life was in the doldrums. When I felt stuck in the same-old, same-old and wondered how to get a pick me up. When I wished I had more passion or purpose or maybe just a jolt of joy to shake things up.
Sometimes there were things I thought might make me happy, but I couldn’t have them just because I wanted them. Like, I couldn’t just snap my fingers and meet the man who sweeps me off my feet or become a kazillionaire.
But there is something that’s always at my (and your) fingertips. Something we always have that will instantaneously make us happy, right now in this moment.
But the things we enjoy are far more important than we could ever realize and can make a significant impact on our lives.
Here are ten reasons why (and there are so many more):
1. Creativity makes us present.
Because we’re doing something we like to do, we’re engaged in the moment. Time passes in an instant ’cause we’re just having some good ol’ fun.
When I paint, write, knit, dance, or cook it’s like active meditation. Being present with myself dials up my knob of attention and wakes me up.
Creativity stimulates us to be more mindfully in tune with our overall lives. It also calms our nervous system, decreases anxiety, and helps restore balance.
2. We better our relationships.
Simply because we enjoy doing something we love, we connect to ourselves more intimately. We develop a profound relationship with our inner selves.
The more we connect to ourselves, the more we’re able to connect to others and deepen all of our relationships. This secures healthier bonds.
And because we’re more fulfilled, the less we need others to fulfill us and the more we have to share. Our happiness expands and others feel it too and want to spend more time with us.
3. We’re playing again.
As kids we could create anything and have fun with it without worrying about what other people thought.
We could sing out loud in the car, turn a mud-pie into a monster, or let our stuffed animals have conversations. We were all free in one-way or another.
Creativity returns us to the innocence of our childhoods. And giving ourselves a break from the pressures of adult responsibility, we become lighter and increase our sense of humor as we delight in the pleasure of our amusements.
4. We’re led to new wonderful opportunities.
The current of creativity is like a river finding its sea. It always leads us to bigger waters. So even a small creative project might open us to whole new possibilities. We never know where it might lead.
On a whim I got this idea to make a board game. My friends loved to play it and soon, I was hosting game parties once a month at my house for up to thirty people. It became such a wonderful way to bring people together, a publisher picked it up and today everyone can play it.
But we don’t do it for product. We do it for pure joy and interest.
For sure with any kind of project, as our creative juices get flowing, there’s an infinite pool to draw from to keep our inventiveness growing.
5. Depression is lifted.
While doing the things we enjoy, even if it seems small or easy, the self-judgments we make (like we’re not enough, or bad, or we don’t matter) are suspended. We do it just because of the sheer delight of doing it.
It’s the permission we give to ourselves to do what we love that makes us forget we’re in the slumps. The more we engage, the more our spirits fly.
Doing something that is not demanding or to win is the antidote to any dreariness or blahs. My mood always uplifts when I’m creating something just for my own gratification.
6. It’s always new.
Every time we make stuff we’re embarking on fresh, unknown territory. Each time we begin and as we continue, we’re traversing on a new adventure.
Creativity has this awesome way of always changing things up. Even if it seems “mundane” like stirring a soup, or knitting a loop, or moving my body, it always brings a different experience.
A plus is it also initiates new perspectives.
7. We get out of our own way.
When doing something we enjoy, we’re focused on the act of doing it rather than self-ruminating. It immediately gets us out of our head.
So much of our unhappiness is bred from being fixed and consumed by our thoughts and behaviors. We tend to observe our feelings, words, and actions far too often.
But when we’re engaged creatively, we’re freed from any internal traps that say something about us, especially because it doesn’t have to be so serious.
It’s also the #1 best replacement for any addictions.
8. We become amazed by our intuition.
We may wonder what gives us pleasure when we feel stuck. But there’s always something whispering to us.
That’s the beauty of creativity. It might be telling us to take a pottery class, or sign up for a book club, or learn a new spiritual practice because it knows this will add some sparkle and enliven us.
When we listen, we realize that we’re being led by something much greater than us. The more we listen, the more astounded we are by what lives inside us.
9. We build character.
As we attend to our creativity, we feel better about ourselves. This simple act of showing up serves our self-respect and confidence.
The more we make pleasurable, creative acts a priority, the more we rejuvenate, strengthen, and grow.
Each time I sit down to write and my fingers get moving, I feel proud of myself for meeting the blank page head on.
The overall gain is a greater sense of gratitude.
10. Love begets love.
The more we cultivate what we love, the more love we accumulate. Our cup flows over.
Clearly there are days we may show up to do something we enjoy and it isn’t always enjoyable. Sometimes the cake doesn’t rise, the paint spills, or my muscles are sore. But finding creative ways to solve the problems can be fun if we continue.
When we don’t worry about how it turns out and we do it simply for the wonder of exploration, our heart expands and love abounds. Andthis spreads out into our entire life.
So, what’s compelling you to create? What might creativity be telling you to do because it’s sure you’ll gain from it? What if you just said yes to your freedom, fun, and happiness?
Recently, I participated in a master class on managing our emotions. Ultimately, what it became was a class on building healthy habits.
Each of us went through the process of identifying our goals for healthy habits as it came to our emotions. We imagined a version of ourselves that we aspired to. In my case, I imagined being a more curious coach as self, parent, and leader. To have deeper and more meaningful relationships, inside and out.
As part of the course, I spent a lot of time thinking about what stood between where I am and the version of me that I aspired to. Ultimately, it came down to the default patterns. Reactive conditioning, instead of purposeful intention.
To move towards purposeful intention, we must interrupt our autopilot. Each of us may respond to different techniques for helping us build new habits. One that was suggested was a mnemonic or acronym to outline steps we can remember.
Purposeful engagement
I am a huge fan of acronyms. Done right, they can be easy to remember.
In this case, I wanted to identify steps that would allow me to better engage with myself and others. As someone who wants to help, and am often approached when help is needed, I tend to go into problem solving mode very quickly.
Recently, I’ve realized that love was often modeled in my home via “acts of service.” Frequently, those acts were teachable moments. It was seen as loving to help someone – even if they didn’t ask for it.
The reality is that most people don’t really need us to solve for them, or turn everything into a teachable moment. They may need us to listen to an idea they already have. They may want some additional context to make their own decisions. There is rarely a single response to the multitude of needs a given person or team may have.
What steps would help interrupt the problem solving auto response, and provide an opportunity to better understand how someone needs us to engaged?
Be a BuILDeR of relationships
There are five steps to interrupting our automatic response and choosing from the myriad of possible engagement options.
B – Breathe
When attempting to interrupt an automatic response, taking a deep breath can be a great first step. If we are tempted to jump right in, just pause and breathe. It gives a moment to hesitate and engage the pre-frontal cortex. We are then more likely to remember and follow the remaining steps.
I – Inquire with curiosity
Have you ever started problem solving with someone or telling them something you thought was relevant, only to hear “I know.” We may assume we know why someone is engaging us, but we won’t know for sure unless we ask. Ask questions with a sense of curiosity and really wanting to understand their situation and need.
L – Listen to understand
Our brains are fascinating, but can sometimes be frustrating. We are constantly filling in gaps, creating meaning, and seeing patterns. While this can be helpful, it means we may start solving and preparing to answer while someone else is talking. We listen to respond, rather than to understand another’s perspective. Instead of replying, maybe go back to inquire to ask a follow-up question to gain a better understanding.
D – Discern my role
In every conversation, we likely have thoughts and ideas regarding what’s being discussed. Suggestions or relevant anecdotes we think could help. One, some or NONE of them may be relevant, depending on our role. Going back to the inquiry, why is this person here and engaging with us? If we aren’t sure, we can always ask what role they’d like us to play. Ultimately, if we want to improve engagement, we should remember to stay in our lane.
R – Reply or write
But but but! What about those stories? What about the great advice we had queued up?
Just because we have thoughts and ideas does not mean we have to express them. We can consciously and deliberately choose our response, including no response. In my case, I might have an idea with a lot of energy behind it that feels like it needs to get out. So I write.
I take notes during conversations, which helps slow down my thinking, allows me to get thoughts out of my head (instead of my mouth), and selectively choose what – if anything – I share in a reply. In some cases, I will have loads of notes. If this person is not yet ready to solve, I have them for a potential follow up conversation when they are.
From habit to practice
With deliberate steps and a handy acronym to remember, it’s time to practice. New habits take repetition and intention, and rarely come easy. If they were easy, we would have done them already.
To help facilitate a change, it may be worth sharing our intentions with those around us. In my case, I tend to let my direct reports know when I’m trying something new in our interactions. I’ll share the insight I’ve gained and what I will be attempting in my new habit.
The reason for this is two-fold. The first is for support, accountability, and feedback during habit-building. If a few people know about a new habit, it helps maintain commitment to change. Later, they can be approached to see how it’s been going. In some cases, they may be enlisted to help identify triggers or signal when they see a behavior.
The other reason is we can create confusion when we change habits. If our habits include engagement with others, changes may generate upset or frustration. Given the move to remote work and social distancing, suddenly engaging differently may result in assumptions that something is wrong with us or the relationship.
With support and feedback methods in place, we can go into our first interaction, committed to being a BuILDeR of relationships.
* * *
Breathe, Inquire, Listen, Discern, and Reply/Write can certainly help create more engagement and deeper relationships with others. However, each of us have our own struggles and best methods to interrupt our automatic response to change behaviors.
