By Mihran Kalaydjian, CHA
44 Questions To Ask Yourself in a New Relationship
Have you been dating a guy you really like for the past few months? Are you thinking you want to be in a long-term relationship with him? If so, you may be wondering when to have “the talk” with him. Instead of rushing to do so, first determine your reasons for actually wanting to be in a committed relationship.
Reasons based on any variation of, “I’m tired of being single. I’m sick of dating. I’m getting older so I’d better get married soon. What if I don’t find someone better?” mean he’s not the one you really want. If you’re in this situation, he just happens to be the guy in front of you — not necessarily the best guy for you. Wanting to be in a relationship for the wrong reasons guarantees a short-term relationship or a future of unhappiness. Let him go so that he can find a woman who is truly excited to be with him… and so you can find a man who’s perfect for you.
If he’s the one you really want, your reasons will include things like “I really like him as a person. I like who I am when I’m around him and when we’re apart. I smile just thinking of him. I love being with him.” If this describes you, your relationship has the potential for a long-term commitment.
But how do you know what’s important to consider in making such an important decision? The following relationship questions will confirm whether or not you’re both compatible for the long run.
44 Relationship Questions To Ask Yourself In A New Relationship
Check in with your inner monologue and answer these relationship questions after you have gotten to know him well enough to get a good sense of who he is. If you don’t know him very well, don’t answer these questions until you learn more about him (and don’t make a decision about whether he’s the guy for you before then, either!).
Do I like how he treats me?
Am I a priority in his life?
Does he respect me?
Do I feel safe around him?
Does he accept me for who I am?
Am I being my authentic self around him?
Can I express myself freely when difficult situations come up?
Do I feel secure when we’re together and when we’re not together?
Does he inspire me to be the best version of myself?
Is he encouraging and supportive of what I want in life?
Is he genuinely happy for me when good things happen to me?
Can I live with his quirky behaviors and traits?
Do I like him the way he is if he never changes?
Am I having fun with him?
Do I like who I am when I’m with and without him?
Do I feel uplifted when we’re together?
Do I feel free to pursue my passions, have alone time, and spend time with friends and family?
Do my family and friends like him?
Do I like his family and friends?
Can I see us growing old together?
Now, you’ll need to answer some questions about him. (After all, he is the variable factor in this equation)!
Does he treat his family well?
Does he treat others well?
Is he patient with me?
Does he bring out the best in me?
Can he live with my quirky behaviors and traits?
Does he have any red flags?
Is he a true friend?
Is he open to trying new things and adventures?
Is he open to my perspectives?
Has he introduced me to his family and friends?
Does he include me in all aspects of his life?
Does he add joy to my life?
Do his behaviors and actions match his words?
Does he have integrity (i.e. trustworthy, does what he says and says what he does, etc.)?
Is he ready to settle down with one woman?
Is he looking for a long-term commitment?
Do we have similar goals in life?
Do we share similar morals and values?
Do we have similar financial styles?
Do we communicate openly and respectfully?
Do we truly enjoy each other’s company?
Do we add to each other’s lives in a positive way?
Does our connection grow stronger each time we see each other?
Are we looking for the same type of relationship?
What Your Answers Reveal And What To Do
If you’ve answered “yes” to all of these questions, your man is a keeper. You’re definitely on track to a long-term, committed relationship. Continue being the woman he is falling for, accept your differences, embrace his quirks, and live your own life by doing things you love. If you want to have “the talk”, simply share how you would like to see your relationship progress (without being demanding and without an ultimatum) and let him share his thoughts.
If you’ve answered “no” to some of these questions, don’t panic. Some of your “no” answers aren’t necessarily an indication that you’re not on track to a great long-term relationship. They may indicate some inner work needing to be done if you don’t want to keep repeating the same relationship patterns. For instance, if you’ve always had a hard time communicating openly in your relationships, this is a pattern you’ll want to reverse. Having a healthy relationship means expressing yourself freely in all situations, especially difficult ones. If “no” is your answer to “Can I express myself freely when difficult situations come up?”, this is an opportunity to improve your communication skills.
If your answers are a mix of “yes” and “no”, review your “no” answers and determine which ones are deal breakers and which ones you can live with. For instance, if you want a long-term commitment, and he isn’t looking to settle down with one woman, this is definitely a deal breaker. Instead of wasting precious years by staying around and hoping he’ll change his mind, leave and make yourself available for a guy who wants a long-term commitment with you. As hard as it may be to leave a guy you really like, it’s in your best interest — you won’t waste valuable time in a dead-end relationship or he may realize you are “the one” and come back for you.
The Bottom Line
If you’re in a new relationship with a guy you really like, let these questions be part of your decision-making process to determine if he is worthy of being in monogamous, long-term commitment with you. What other relationship questions do you think a woman should ask to see if she’s on the right track for a long-term commitment?